Kid in a Candy Store

I’ve heard it said recently sober people can be terribly annoying. I am no exception. There is a giddy sense of excitement about this newfound world, as well as feelings of accomplishment and relief. It’s all very surprising too, which is fun.

When I was drinking (basically from age 15-50), I could not fathom why people would choose to not join me. If I was eating dinner at a restaurant and the table next to me was drinking ice tea with their steak, I would literally think they were so sad. Were they uneducated? Were they oblivious to the pleasures in life? Or the dreaded thought, were they in recovery? How tragic.

The idea of not drinking when you have enjoyed so many things about it for so long, seems unfathomable. The truth is I enjoyed 90% of my drinking years, or at least I can make the case for that. In truth, I don’t know what those years would look like without it. Maybe, I was just enjoying my life and my friends, and I gave way too much credit to the booze in my hand. Maybe, definitely ? Because….that other 10% was not fun. And 10% self-loathing, hangovers, wasted time, arguments, confusion and daily malaise is fucking 10% too much.

I saw an interview with hottie hottie Bradley Cooper not too long ago. He is sober. If parasocial relationships are your thing (Americans subconsciously draw from this, let’s face it) there are lots of sober celebs out there to look up too. Eminem, Blake Lively, Zac Efron (love his show Down to Earth), Brad Pitt and Natalie Portman to name a few. In the interview, Bradley was saying he would never go back to drinking because he “didn’t want to miss another day.”

At 50-years-old, this is what it all boils down to for me. I do wish I would have picked it up a little sooner, but living in regret doesn’t suit. It’s not like all my problems have faded - all my insecurities and sorrows haven’t magically abandoned me, but the range of self is so much more available now. I’m like a kid in a candy store and the jars are filled up with colorful options and labels like clarity, calm, emotional availability, mindfulness, time, creative pursuits, connectedness, authenticity... The jars are brimming with treats for me to reach in, and partake of, at any moment, for any need. If it sounds sweet, it is. If it sounds cheesy, it’s that too. If it sounds meaty, you’ve got it! It’s a full dinner plate, and I’m getting up from my table to toast the folks next to me drinking tea. I’m dying laughing saying “why didn’t you guys tell me?” (Of course they are thinking, “because you wouldn’t have listened you thick, snobby, silly woman.”)

So even though I probably sound like some evangelical Christian, or some vacuum salesman, I’m going to keep on being that high pitched cheerleader shouting “Go Team Sober!” - at least until I tire of oversharing all this way too personal stuff, and am through this particular phase of my sobriety. I’m just excited about the freedom of it all, and the true surprise that sobriety brings joy.